Spider Guts...

and a little Victoria's Secret on the side.

Oh yes, what a perfect combination of "Teaching never has a dull moment" stories. No, these are not just stories- I take that back; these are real life experiences I have endured over this past week.

Spider Guts: This story takes place in line to wash hands while getting ready for read aloud and lunch.

Boy T: Oooh, a spider-- HULK SMASH time!

Boy J: (squealing at the top of his lungs): NOOO!! You can't hurt it! It is a living creature! Don't hurt it, oh please, do not hurt it!

Girls: EWWWW!! Get it T, Get it!

Boy J: (squealing continues) DON'T DO IT!! It did not hurt anyone!!

Boy T: Smashes the spider with his finger.

Girls: YAYYY! Good job T!

Boy J: Nooo, why would you do such a think. You're mean T- so mean. He did not do anything to you, you are so mean. MISS LOUDIN!! T needs to wash his hands again, that is just gross. Ew, he smashed the spider with his finger.. that is so gross. Seriously T, you need to wash your hands again. (Let me tell you this kid hates anything GROSS- but I have to admit, I share the same opinions of grossness with huim 99 percent of the time)

Me: Hey T, let's just wash our hands one more time, there are guts on your fin...

Boy T: (before I could finish) LICKS THE GUTS OFF OF HIS FINGER (WTF)

Boy J and the rest of that class: AHHHHHH!! Grosss!!! EWWWW T!!!

Boy T: Just smiles his devilish grin with that "What now teacher? What are you going to do about that huh?" attitude.

Me: Shake my head and try not to puke.

Seriously... WTF? Who does that? I was trying to justify his possible need to do such a disgusting trick. Maybe he was lacking protein? That is the best I have.

Victoria's Secret: Takes place in... well, you know.

Me: picking out cute new underwear (my favorite part of shopping)... I pick a few out (love the 5 for 26 bucks) and I turn to show Jake and instead of Jake, I am greeted by one of my 4th grade boys, his parents, and two sisters who I just conferenced with the week before.

H: HIII MISSS LOUDIN! Whatchya doin?

Me: Uh, just shopping a little. How are you? Having a good weekend?

and so on...

Pssh, it is totally normal to have a conversation with a fourth grade bboy while holding some leaopard and lace underwear right? Everyone wears it... no big deal right? Haha, it is a fact of life and I'll be danged not to shop at one of my favorite stores because of it! At least he did not see me 20 minutes earlier laughing and pointing at the inappropriate alcoholic beverage iced luge kit that is shaped in the form of some male anatomy. :) Wouldn't that have just been a blast?

Oh yes, never a dull moment. I have to stop and think to myself- which is worse, the Victoria's Secret or pushing a cart loaded to the top and over flowing with 24 packs and Mike's Hard for a get together?

I swear, I do not drink or wear underwear. I really don't.

Ok, you got me at the underwear. Damnit.