Never once in my life have I been known to be a racist, degrading, intimidating, ruthless, abusive, and evil person. Never once have I been known to psychologically attack children, make them feel like they do not belong, tell them they will never succeed at anything, or skip over them when it comes to providing opportunity.
These past couple months have been absolutely terrible for me in the coaching world. I have strict attendance and attitude policies, which I believe are needed to develop a strong team. I have began building my coaching philosophy and have built it based upon experience gained from coaches I will NEVER be like and coaches I could only hope to be like. All parents and players have ackowledged my expectations as well as the club's expectations of what is expected of both players and parents. I find it so hard to believe that even after filling out and signing a contract (explaining policies of grief or issues with coaches), that a parent could find it deep down within to personally attack my morals and ethics not only as a coach but a person. Why? Why the hurtful words that are clearly untrue? Why is it only two parents out of the 50 girls I have coached feel these things? Why is it all happening now?
Yes, if you miss 3/6 practices before a tournament, your playing time will be limited. Yes, if you have a poor attitude and treat your teammates as well as your coach with disrespect constantly, there will be consequences. Yes- the player should be a self advocate for any concerns they have and are more than welcome to ask me what they could do better.. or what is going on. I never sit a girl out of a game (note there are AT LEAST 8 games per tournament day) without telling her why.. Every girl on my team knows of their expectations and knows when they have stepped over the boundary. However, parents tend to make things all the more difficult. Instead of asking the child why they are not playing.. they pump their child's heads with ideas "is she not playing you because you are black? I dont get it?" Not only is the child who is actually pleasant to have in practice- changing based on her mother's emotions (when the daughter clearly understood why she was sitting out) but the mother then finds it necessary to cuss me out in front of the whole team as well as their parents. I get emails 3 pages long telling me how much I suck and how could a person like me be a coach? Seriously people, I am making a career out of my love for children. I am paying thousands of dollars for an education that helps make that happen. Coaching and educating are my passions- not something I do because I have to- but because I would love to!
I have had coaches who have killed me on the inside and I promised myself I would never be that coach. I know I am not that coach, but for some reason- these hurtful untrue words are hard to brush off because they are so personal. It is hard for me to find truth in any of those wrong accusations- yet I cant find a way to defend myself against someone who actually believes with all of their mind I am that evil doer and have that vendetta against their daughter. Because of these harsh accusations I have been investigated so to say.. where all of my parents have been interviewed. Not only did I get through the roof reviews about how amazing I am.. parents were adiment that I would be part of this club next year. I was rated a 10 out of 10 by one mother, another mother felt that her daughter and the team had "won the coaching lotto"... another mother said I was the goddess of patience and encouragment..(just to name a few.. and I am not trying to brag either!) It just knocks me over with confusion as to how these two other moms could just tear me apart like they did.
I have never felt more judged and heartbroken by anything someone could have said about me let alone to me. In my heart I know I am not the person they believe me to be- but I just cant seem to shake the feelings and emotions that these accusations have brought forth within me. Sometimes these comments create second thoughts in my head about what I am doing.. and what I could have possibly done. I cannot find anything. I really cannot. Maybe I am being a young 21 year old who has emotions that go haywire from time to time, but I would never in my life try to hurt someone intentionally or break them down to nothing. I care about everyone and everything, almost a little too much at times.. . I just really dont understand the logic behind such hateful words towards someone they do not even know.
Just to put this a little more into perspective.. I know every single one of the parents on my team except for those two. I have had deep conversations with all of my parents except for those two. I have shared laughs and funny jokes with all of my parents except for those two. I have conversed with all of my parents on how amazing and wonderful their daughters are and how I am the lucky one who is learning from them- except for those two. Why? That is right.. because they are actually never there.
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